i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
