party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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