what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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