An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
