i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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