laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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