I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
