definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
