Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
