I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
