What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
