I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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