you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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