I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
