New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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