Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
