Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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