I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
