My hand turned me down
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
