you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize