two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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