Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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