And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
