If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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