yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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