Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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