No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
