By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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