What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Never joke about your clitoris.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
