we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
