Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
