I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
