I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
