where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize