names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
