where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
