so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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