just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
