I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
