well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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