I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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