Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
