Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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