It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
