I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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