I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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