Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
