I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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