yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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