My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
