I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
