Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
