dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
