Im at strip club and am horny
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
