he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
