shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
