Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
