just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
